One thing I can always count on being there is my anxiety. I carry it with me every where I go. It's something I struggle with daily. Sometimes it can be so consuming, leaving me exhausted and drained. On most days I'm able to talk myself out of whatever irrational thought or fear I'm facing that day, and push through. Mother's Day, I couldn't keep it together. While I was surrounded by great food and the most loving group of people I could ever ask for, I couldn't escape my thoughts. Looming over me like a 100 pound weight, I felt like I was struggling just to move or even speak. My poker face was at an all time low, I felt sick to my stomach. Early this week there was a "family emergency" so speak. I was, and still am extremely concerned. This really isn't like me to be so consumed by something I knowingly have no control over. Yet here I am. Today I am putting forth the effort of moving forward, taking care of myself, and focusing on living my best life. I am so grateful to have such an understanding and patient husband, healthy amazing children (and fur babies), a beautiful home, and friends and family who really so care about me. I have too much to grateful for to be letting one aspect of my life set the tone for it all.
Yesterday I decided to catch up on some much needed yard work AKA trying to save the yard from being over taken by ivy. In the midst of that I conjured up the courage to attempt my first solo cook on our Big Green Egg. And too my surprise it wasn't as hard as I thought. Maintaining the temperature, and years of watching my husband cook doesn't hurt either. I pretty much spent most of the day outside with Ivy (my daughter not the plant.) We played, watered the plants, had a picnic on the back porch. My husband was pleasantly surprised when he came home. Mainly that I had attempted a Boston butt, and that I hadn't accidentally burned the house down. The pork came out amazing. It was cooked perfect, had some nice bark, and a beautiful smoke ring. I literally hadn't felt this proud in a long time. And being outside pulling weeds, pretty much in my own thoughts was actually just what I needed. Yesterday was nice.
I'm happy to report that Olive has learned a few new tricks. Her newest and most proud accomplishment is opening the car door! Since the first day of school she's noticed each child opening their door with ease, and hopping right in. Well, she figured it out and couldn't be more pleased with herself. When I pick her up from school I hear her tell whoever is helping in the car line to, "STOP I can do it now. See!? I do it all my own. I don't need help!". It's pretty hilarious especially because she is not saying this, but is yelling this. I would say 8/10 times her talking would be considered almost yelling to most. Olive is STILL eating turkey, cheese, and mayo sandwiches as well as spaghetti noodles. I have seen such an improvement on her stomach issues since she's become more adventurous this year. At one point we had to really work our schedule around her stomach issues. She was in so much pain and would scream as loud as she could, yell, and curl up in a ball. At this point she was non verbal and couldn't really verbalize her pain into words, but since we had been dealing with this since birth we knew what is when it happened. She was under 5 so doctors wouldn't prescribe her anything. We tried probiotics, gripe water, prune juice, laxatives, fiber, vitamins, everything. Thanks to the Squatty Potty and a better diet we luckily only have these issues now every once in a while, when she has a vast change in diet. Olive is getting better and better with things like brushing her teeth and getting dressed. It makes me so happy to see her doing so well. Her confidence has grown and she finds so much joy in progress. I can tell it means a lot any time she can do something independently. It reminds me that sometimes I need to step back and let her try, try, and try again.